Times

My Brilliant Hermenutics and Theology professor talks about shoulder taps, things that you hear, see, or even smell that are God relating something to you. Today I had a shoulder tap.

God Said   ♫  My love is over its underneath, its inside, its in between. The times you doubt me, and when you cant feel. The times that question, 'is this for real?' The times you're broken , the times that you mend. The times you hate me and the times that you bend. Well My love is over, its underneath, its inside its in between. These times your healing and when your heart breaks, the times when you feel like you've fallen from grace. The times you're hurting, the times that you heal. The times you go hungry and attempted to steal. In times of confusion and chaos and pain, Im there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame. Im there through your heart ache, Im there through the storm, My love I will keep you, by My power alone. I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been. Ill never forsake you. My love never ends. It never ends.♫

I dont even know what to say, I don't even know how to comprehend this. The times when I doubt...and I do, I have, and I know I will. I doubt.
When I cant feel. When everything in my world is crashing down around my feet and I cant think or function... or feel. He is there those times. The times when I questioned, "is this for real?" the times I have screamed this at Gods face! "Why? Are you kidding me! God, Why!" When the church split. When Nathan and Sharon left. When Bill died. When my friends hurt. When the world hurts. When I was hurting and God didnt answer. "why?"
The times that Im broken. the times that I mend, that hurts just as much as being broken.
The times I've hated God. When I have abandoned hope and ignored my Maker, when I have left the only arms that know how to hold me without breaking me. When I have told God to his face how angry I was at him. Even then, even then his love remained
The times I've bent. When God said "it will cost you everything Becca" and I went. When he said "would you even give up your family for me?"and I said yes. When he said "would you go back to Lethbridge for me?" and I said yes. when he said "would you trust that I have something better for you" and I did. through that all, He was there. He is here.
The times Im healing. When I have to open up old wounds and deal with them. When I have to face my hurt and deal with it, work through it. He is here.
The times my heart broke. Through every heart break, every relationship - both with friends and boys. He was there, he held me together when I started falling apart.
When feel like Ive fallen from grace. When I have failed more times then I can count. When every. single. time. I make the same stupid mistakes. When I try to do it on my own. When I try to do it by leaning on other people. When I am at the end of my rope. When I have fell again and again, when I have felt beyond hope, or restoration, or redemption. When I have felt beyond Grace. He was there, He held out his arms and his grace to me in unconditional ways.
In times of confusion and chaos and pain. Welcome to my life right now. Im leaving, My heart is divided, my thought are going crazy. "can I do nursing? will I fail? Will I meet new people? Will I remember the old ones? Will these friendships become a thing of the past? how will I live like I should without this support? How will I manage to do it right there if I keep messing up here?" All through these times, his love remains, over and underneath. it consumes me.
The times when I am being crushed by my shame. What have I done? I cant go back, I cant change anything. It literally suffocates me. and my God, my wonderful God steps in and lifts it, he lets me breath again. He again and again reassures me that He is far to big for things like my shame. He reminds me of his Love.
"my love I will keep you, by my power alone" through all these times... Nothing else could keep me, nothing. He can though. No other power can forgive and love and pour out grace like this one. No other power could draw me back again and again. He alone can.

My God is a powerful and mighty, and good God and He has carried me through every time.