January 21, 2012

Hey everyone,

Its been a while. I am finally settling into a pattern out here since being back from christmas. Compared to last semester my schedule is pretty much completely empty... normal people could organize this no problem but because I am used to booking 8 million things into my week every week I honestly am having trouble settling into a schedule. Hopefully this week will be better. I am taking Bio30 and Math correspondence so that means I need to slot it into my schedule and I need to get better at that. Its hard to be motivated for a class when you never actually have to go to class.

Other than that things have been good. I have been in, I guess you could call, a "contemplative state." Since coming back  I have just being thinking a lot! I am not saying that to be a ditzy blonde I have just been contemplating absolutely everything. I have been at CBC for 3 semesters now, it has radically and drastically changed my life, and now its coming to an end.  I don't feel ready for this too end, and quite honestly I am happy here and I don't want it too. but it is. I guess I have just been thinking about everything I have learned here, both in classes and out. I have learned wisdom and theology, and grace and faithfulness more than I have ever learnt it before. I have been overwhelmed with joy, and peace, and love and friendship like I have NEVER experienced it before. I have failed miserably and had heart ache, and doubted and abandoned hope. I have experienced more than I can even put into words at CBC and with the people here and the thought of all this ending breaks my heart. I guess I just think about how much I have experienced here and I think I took it for granted. I didn't make every second count all the time, I invested in one person for a whole year when I could have been investing in a ton of people and the school and building strong relationships! I guess I just feel like I wasted last year in a way. This first fall semester was amazing! I developed such strong relationships with some people that had been only acquaintances before and it has been fabulous!! I guess it all comes down to the fact that I am just not ready to say goodbye. All this investing in people, all this fun and laughter.... and now I feel like I will leave and just have a bunch of really good memories. There are some people here who I know I will keep in contact with and stay close with and thank goodness... I know I have made friends for life here. But it changes. we will never have the relationships we have now back again. It will never again be like it is now. Im not saying thats bad, its just different and its change and sometimes... most times (lets be honest) change scares me.

Along with all these things I have been contemplating I have also been literally overwhelmed with a feeling of joy and blessedness (if thats even a word) I know that people always joke about how I always say "I am just so blessed" but I am!! I cant believe I came here, I cant believe I made it to Columbia and learned and made all these friends who like me just the way I am! I cant believe that I accomplished almost 2 years of post secondary! I am so, so , so blessed. What an opportunity I have had and am still in. I just want to make every second count in the next 3 months! I love this place and I am so thankful that God allowed me to come and prepared the way for me. What an amazing God that He would look out for me!

Even more from the mind of Becca :) I have just been so excited about whats next! Somedays I feel sick from this roller coaster I am on! One minute I am so heart broken that I am leaving in 3 months and the next I am overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness, and the next I am giddy with excitement about starting Nursing and being around my family and friends in Lethy again (even tho usually that thought is accompanied by a little greif at leaving... its unavoidable) , and even about what I will do this summer. I can do anything! I can work at a camp , I can travel, I can stay in Abby. I guess I just have lots of options for the summer and thats exciting! All these things... I just sometimes dont even know where to start processing it all. I guess my biggest thing is just realizing it is what it is. There is no use getting sad about leaving here and there is no use dreading Lethy when thats where I will be. I am going there so I might as well get right pumped up about it.

I am finally finding myself at a place of contentment. This is something new for me. I know its ridiculous but I have always been in relationships. Since I was 15 its pretty much been steady, I have always been discontent alone but this semester God has really just brought me to a place of beautiful contentment. Not just relationally (as in not being in one) but also just with who I am and what I will do with my life and even little things like money and things that bother me at school or my apartment. Last semester was tough, I felt like I was face down in the mud, at the bottom of my rope the whole semester. I just felt like I couldnt get up and I made many mistakes, I shook my fist at God and cursed Him to His face, in a way I gave up on people and for a bit I tried to even give up on God, but isn't our saviour good! He didnt give up on me. Not once, the whole semester I could feel Him pulling me back to Him and I had to fight with all of my strength to stay away from Him. It was exhausting really and when I finally collapsed in his love and grace I realized there was/is no place in the entire universe I would rather be than in the arms of my loving Saviour. And thats how I have felt since then ( I remember the moment when it all came crashing down last semester and man was it freeing) but since then , God has just overwhelmed me with SUCH contentment!! I am so happy just to dwell with him, to be blessed by the people around me and to absorb the wisdom the profs are teaching and to be amazed at the beauty of His creation all around. I am so blessed. God has also (through my experience last semester, and even now) been showing me that He is my God and He only. This , more often than not, hurts. I am finally content but that doesnt mean its all rainbows and easy. Its still hard, it still hurts. When God corrects me or asks me to give something up for him. When He asks me to prioritize my life, putting him even above even  my family whom I love most in this world. Ya that hurts, and its difficult, but last semester I experienced the alternative... running. And it was terrible and exhausting and I not once had peace. And now, through every trial and heart ache and difficulty, I still have a reason to to proclaim Christ. Nothing can take that away from me and in every one of my circumstances and mistakes and heart aches I will declare Christ as my amazing and unfathomable Saviour. That is why I can be content, because He alone is my God.

January 1, 2012!!

Its 2012!! prepare for the end!!! ;) lol who knows what could happen :D

Hey people! I hope your new years celebrations were fantastic... mine were, bellow average , but who cares even. There is to much hype about new years! I am blessed and happy to be alive, I have wonderful family and friends and next year instead of trying to make a big deal outa new years Im going to stay with my family!

Anyways the reason I am doing a quick little blog is because I still dont know what to do in the summer and following semester at school. The plan is to start nursing, but I just dont know if I should do it in Abbotsford or in Lethbridge... I love Abbotsford, its my home now, but I love Lethbridge, and its always been my home!! GAH! I just dont know!  I want to go where God wants me to go but sometimes its hard for me to figure out what that is. I dont even know if I will get into either the Lethbridge college or UFV in Abby but I guess those are my options. I just dont know. I honestly dont, I know it seems trivial to pray about this insignificant thing in our big world of problems but if your praying for me this is really somewhere where I need guidance because I just dont know :( I hate not knowing. Thanks guys. Ill try to keep you updated on what I'm doing.

Much love, I hope you are feeling blessed and rejuvenated as you head into 2012!

December 27

Its been a while...

So I am home for the holidays. Its so good to be back with friends and family... and free food lol, Ive been eating so much. Its great to have no responsibility, I dont have to pay for groceries or even worry about cleaning the house 8 times a day (well I help) but its different. Its nice, Im really sick the last few days and my mom takes care of me, thats another nice thing to living at home... your parents take care of you. love it.

Christmas was so good! We celebrated on Christmas Eve with the fam it was so fun, I love my family so much! Eric and Syb came later in the evening too :) I love when they come to family things cause it already feels like they are part of the family so having them there makes it complete. Ive also been hanging out with Megan lots and that has been so good, there are some friends that no matter what you know you will always be friends with. God is so good for bringing people like that into my life.

So I didnt get the job for the school... Im almost shocked cause I didn't expect not to get it, a last minute candidate came into play and they could commit to a longer time with admissions then I could so they got it. They said thats the only reason I didn't get the job. I was kinda crushed when I found out but it has been bitter sweet the whole time because though I really wanted it, it didnt pay a whole lot.... at all and it would have been a leap of faith as it would have left me with hardly any savings in the school year but I would have done it. Its ok though... now I am sorta looking for a job in Lethbridge this summer... I think, and I dont know, if Im back here for the summer I was thinking I might as well take my nursing here too. For some reason that thought depresses me, I just keep thinking about my Profs who I am friends with and all my friends in Abby and I am finally settling myself there and now I might up and leave? I dont know what to do, if any of you feel like praying it can be about this, just that I would see where God wants me in the next school year.

Anyways , its the Beusekom dinner tonight so I should go get ready. Much love! happy holidays everyone!!

December 6th

Well, its that time again. Ethical Reasoning, the last class…. WOOOHOO. So stoked for this to be done! Anyways, I missed blogging last week. It was a busy week, this one is too but I just have nothing better to do in this class. So Eric came to visit last weekend! It was so fantastic to have him here! We definitely played tourist all weekend! He surprised us on Thursday, we thought him and Tom were delayed because of snow and wouldn’t be here till Friday but low and behold Eric waltzed into my living room on Thursday night! So of course we took him to Wings to eat an amazing chocolate cookie and delightful wings. Then on Friday we showed him the campus (and I don’t think anyone else in the world would have enjoyed the tour more than Eric did) then we went to castle fun park and played all the arcade games and rode the go carts! It was a blast! For dinner we went to Lou’s and then after went hot tubing with every one at Uncle John and Auntie Audrey’s. It was a loaded day! Then next day we started early and went to the states. We went to Bellingham and did some shopping and played tourist there for a bit too, after we got home we watched a movie at Bob and Ryan’s. On Sunday morning we went to Baker view (the church Erin and I attend regularly) and then head into Van for the day. We went to the Vancouver aquarium for the whole afternoon and saw some sweet shows and fish and stuff (actually tho, so cool) and then went to this ADORABLE little market on Granville Island. I had never been there before either so it was really cool to go! After that we went to this service in Coquitlum at this church that I have recently been going too. It was really good! Ya, so all that to say it was a really busy weekend, it was so fantastic tho, we really did a bit of everything and I think Eric got to experience a little bit of every part of our world.

This week has been good, definitely playing catch up though, finals are around the corner and I am stressin’!! ha its ok tho, I just want to do well on my finals. I had a lunch meeting with Michael Szuk (the most brilliant and wise professor EVER!) and we were just talking about what I wanted to do after Columbia (LPN) and how I wasn’t really satisfied with the electives that were being offered or the course requirements that I had to take if I wanted to graduate this year… anyways by the end of the conversation I realized (with the help of Michael) that I really didn’t need to graduate from Columbia and that a diploma in Caregiving and Counseling would really not benefit me at all in nursing or in any thing else really. So though many of the courses are beneficial getting the actual diploma will do me no good. So I promptly went and dropped 5 courses and am now only enrolled in 2 J I have also spoken with UFV and the Abbotsford school district and I will be starting my upgrading (Bio and Math) already next semester! It all makes sense too me so I am so excited that I am starting to finally move towards my career! I am just praying I’m doing the right thing!

I had my Student Intern interview the other day… it went well. I think lol. So I hope to hear about that soon… if I get it that means I move to Abbotsford for the summer too- so I guess more of a permanent move, which is crazy! This is slowly becoming my home and it is bitter sweet for me! I know that for now this is where I am supposed to be, I love it here, I have an incredible community around me and I feel like there is just SO much opportunity for me here. At the same time though, I feel like I am moving further and further away from being a kid with no responsibility who can still go home to my parents and pretend to be a child J its scary for me, growing up, having all this responsibility, its exciting but it is 100% scary.

I go home in one week. I am so excited! I cant wait to see everyone and have a break from school, I have finally got my feet back under me again and I have finally found my motivation again so now I am excited to start fresh next semester. Take a break and then go strong! My heart like aches when I think about the kids! I cant wait to hold them and hangout with the family! I love my family so much, I have been so blessed by all of them that its actually ridiculous! My friends too, I cant wait to hangout with Syb… oh man I would be so lost without Syb (if your reading this Sybil just know that you are incredibly fantastic and I would be INCREDIBLY lost without you!) being here and meeting all these new people and developing all these new friendships is a blessing, its such a blessing. But all those relationships still don’t replace the incredible ones I have at home. I know that even though I am gone out here and we don’t hangout cause I am away that the people at home (Eric, Syb, Shar, Megan, etc) ALL of them are still some of my best friends and they have helped me through so much in my life!

I should get going but ya, I hope that you are all doing fantastic and thank you again for all your prayers and thoughts! Each of you is special to me and holds an incredibly dear place in my heart!

November 22

Hey Everyone!

Weekly blogging time :)  I hope you all are well! Im doing great again this week! God is soooo good and has been showing me his faithfulness on more levels than I can even explain. Some days I am blown away with how merciful he is with me, and all my ranting and raving.

            God has just been bringing new people into my life and letting me develop so many new friendships!! I am so blessed! I have just really been finding more and more friends and I enjoy so much being able to break out of the group I have always been a part of. I think I am driven to find new people to hangout with because I am just trying so hard to change what I was settling into, I don’t want just random, luke-warm relationships with people and with God, I want realness, and transparency and reliability. God has been so good in bringing that into my life and with every new relationship that develops I find it easier and easier to step away from the bad habits it was continually finding myself in so far this semester. Not to say that I don’t still struggle with them , its still hard for me to say no to going out drinkin with the group and whatnot, but its easier for me to say no when I can make other plans with other people. I just don’t want to be defined by that anymore and God is being so faithful in presenting opportunities for me to step away from those bad habits.

            Thinking about opportunities… I finally applied for the job as student intern this week, its scary… if I get this I move here, I don’t know, peeps think its not any different than what I am doing now and think that its not that big of deal but I guess to me it is , like, the final act of childhood. Like right now, still being a student, I would still refer to Lethbridge and my house as my “home”. but me moving here – like really moving here, is making this my home. Instead of me coming here for part of the year I might go to Lethbridge for a short time in the year… like really making this my home, all on my own. I don’t know lol maybe I am over thinking it but I just think that its like the final step of leaving my childhood behind, which is frightening and exciting for me. So applying for the job was a big deal, if I get it I am committed to it. I’m just really trying to leave it in God’s hands, if God wants me here in Abby he will give me the job, if he wants me in Lethbridge he wont J that’s how I am going to take it and I will be content with either one.

            I guess that’s part of the growth too, normally I am the kind of person who plans and gets anxious over what’s coming and where I will end up and who I might end up with. But lately I have just found a sense of contentment. This might seem foolish but I think that God placed the things I desire (to be a wife, mother, and have a career) in my heart and I don’t think he would place them there then take them away… so I know it will come eventually. So I am just trying to have the attitude of , like, “that is coming either way so why don’t you just enjoy the time that your are at in your life right now” I am finding contentment, where I don’t have to go out and search for things to make my life fall into place the way “I want it” too, but just trusting that it will all come together exactly the way God wants it too which will be so much better than my idea of good anyways! So its good :) 

            Anyhoo, this weekend was good. It was very relaxing, I cleaned and hingout with friends. Erin and Amanda and I went to the newest twilight—breaking dawn part one. I was actually pretty impressed. I have read the books and I enjoyed them but I have always thought that the movies were pretty much awful. But this one was actually really well done! I enjoyed it haha I think they are finally learning how to act and with all the money they are making now they can afford to do the graphics better and stuff in the movies. Anyways it was fun. Then right after that we came home and watched Voyage of the Dawn Treader with Bob, so lots of movies in one night but it was a good night J again, its nice to just be hanging out with new people and doing new things, not that my other friends aren’t flippen fantastic, I just like meeting new peeps.

            I need to call UFV today, I gotta set up a meeting to find out about nursing cause I think that, that is what I want to do next year. But I am worried… I know I can do it, I know I can. Its just going to be hard and I am scared. Lol how typical of me. But ya, I am procrastinating at starting the whole process, which I shouldn’t be doing at all.

            So ya, that’s me right about now. I hope you are all well and thank you for everyone who is praying for me, know that our God is amazing and is working in incredible ways, prayers never go unheard and I am so blessed to have people like you praying for me in my life. I love you all !! 

ethical reasoning is the time to blog ;)

Hey everyone!

So Im in Ethical Reasoning which means that its my weekly time slot to blog :) worst class ever lol

This week has been good! I think the heavy crazy part of my semester is pretty much over, which is actually weird for me, because I keep going to the library and sitting there realizing I really dont need to be there. So, thats interesting... I can actually do things on the weekends now which is also fun. This weekend was great, I pretty much did nothing all weekend. All day Friday and Saturday I hung out with some friends (Bob and Ryan) and then on Friday night a bunch of us got together and watched Lord of the Rings! it was excellent! I had never seen them before so I really enjoyed it. On Saturday night we all went to a hockey game in Van , it was good - I realized I think hockey is a really boring sport lol but its a nice social event ;) Then on Sunday night Erin, Hannah and I went to The Civil Wars concert, it was INCREDIBLE! I have never heard anything so beautiful, I was actually awestruck... it was fabulous, those people are so talented. Then after the Concert we walked around down town for a bit which is always interesting at night. Van has some interesting people. Also on Sunday morning Erin and I got to meet Barb for breakfast, it was so good to see her, she is such a darling. So ya , the weekend was really good! I got lots of rest, am not behind in my homework, and did some fun things! Im feeling good.

Slowly Im becoming more motivated again... I really lost my motivation for a while there but I can feel it coming back. All last week I just wanted to go running - so I went for a whole bunch of really long runs which felt great because this year I haven't been working out at all which makes me feel sick :( So it was good to start working out again. I am going to be earlier and already I notice it , its a chain reaction- when I go to bed on time, I get up on time, have time to work out, eat healthier, manage my time better which means more time for devotions, which means a girl who is MUCH happier than she was 2 weeks ago. Its been much better :)

So there is only a month left in this semester... its weird and sad and bittersweet. I am excited to go home for christmas and see my family and I am excited for a break from school but it actually makes me so sad that time is going by so quickly. I only have a semester and a month at CBC left :( sad day. Its also a little anxiety evoking because I really want to do nursing next year but I just feel like I have no motivation for school especially real, hard, school like nursing. I am worried I might fail - I also have to do so much upgrading for Nursing... I know I could be smart enough to do it if I motivated myself but part of me just doesn't think I have it in me, so perhaps I am not quite smart enough ;) Either way , I emailed UFV yesterday to find out what my options are. I don't know where I would want to take nursing maybe here... maybe even at home in Lethbridge... I don't know lol WORST!

Lately I have also been thinking about just doing something like YWAM or something- just go off and do something different for a year or so... but I am also already 20 so I feel like I need really get started on my career. HA so much to think about.

Anyways - the gist of it all is that things are good on this end. There is lots of stuff I am still working through but I feel the Lord standing right beside me and I am trying my hardest to trust him in every aspect of my life. God is so faithful and I am so blessed to be here at CBC with the freedom to be taking these courses.

I hope all of you are doing well also ! I love hearing from you so facebook me or phone me!! God Bless!

November 8...

Well, today is the day, its November 8th. Bill died two years ago today. Someone challenged me yesterday to really celebrate Bill's life today so thats what I have been doing. This morning I woke up early, had a delicious cup of hazelnut bean coffee, donned my camp shirt with the moose butt on the back and have been trying to celebrate everything Bill said all day long. Thinking about him so much makes me miss him more but I like remembering.

I just cant believe two years have already gone by, this made me think of all the things that have happened in the last two years! huge things in my life! I moved to a different province, am in my second year of college, 2 of my sisters got married! there is just so much! Its crazy to me... time really doesn't stop for anyone, thats scary, feel like its going to fast. Today I realized that I only have about 5 months left at CBC :( worst! I cant believe how quick its going! Its scary too cause this means that I should have some sort of plan on what I will be doing next year.But I dont. WORST! lol I need to start looking at schools for nursing and finding out if i need to upgrade or not! so much to do! so little time!

On a lighter note :) this weekend is the first weekend I have off in SO long! so I am trying to get some friends together to go to Van or Seattle or something fun like that! I hope it works out

This week was definitely better for me. I tried to get to bed earlier and managed to once or twice which actually made a difference :) I also have really been making more time for my devotions and God is so faithful in meeting me where I am at. I wrote a paper on Jonah this week and even though it was a little bit stressful it was a wake up call for me. I realized I am much like Jonah in a way that I have been shaking my fist at God and telling him what I think should be done and expecting him to listen to me, and that is just ridiculous! I do not know better than God and while I was writing Jonah I just saw so clearly how patient God was being with me, letting me , like we would let a small child, have a tantrum while at the same time, never letting me go, and never stopping pouring out his abundant grace and love on me. What an incredible God we serve! So though I am not back on the top rung yet I feel like I am finally on my way back up the hill.

I am starting to really miss my family! I cant wait to go home for christmas and see them all along with all my amazing friends! today I got mail from Syb and it just made me realized how blessed I am to have such great people in my life. I miss the kidlets. Chloe, Maddy, Kam , Noah and little Zeke who I feel like I hardly even know! I cant wait to hug and kiss them!

anyways I should really be listening to my prof, Ill catch ya on the flip side ;)