Times

My Brilliant Hermenutics and Theology professor talks about shoulder taps, things that you hear, see, or even smell that are God relating something to you. Today I had a shoulder tap.

God Said   ♫  My love is over its underneath, its inside, its in between. The times you doubt me, and when you cant feel. The times that question, 'is this for real?' The times you're broken , the times that you mend. The times you hate me and the times that you bend. Well My love is over, its underneath, its inside its in between. These times your healing and when your heart breaks, the times when you feel like you've fallen from grace. The times you're hurting, the times that you heal. The times you go hungry and attempted to steal. In times of confusion and chaos and pain, Im there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame. Im there through your heart ache, Im there through the storm, My love I will keep you, by My power alone. I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been. Ill never forsake you. My love never ends. It never ends.♫

I dont even know what to say, I don't even know how to comprehend this. The times when I doubt...and I do, I have, and I know I will. I doubt.
When I cant feel. When everything in my world is crashing down around my feet and I cant think or function... or feel. He is there those times. The times when I questioned, "is this for real?" the times I have screamed this at Gods face! "Why? Are you kidding me! God, Why!" When the church split. When Nathan and Sharon left. When Bill died. When my friends hurt. When the world hurts. When I was hurting and God didnt answer. "why?"
The times that Im broken. the times that I mend, that hurts just as much as being broken.
The times I've hated God. When I have abandoned hope and ignored my Maker, when I have left the only arms that know how to hold me without breaking me. When I have told God to his face how angry I was at him. Even then, even then his love remained
The times I've bent. When God said "it will cost you everything Becca" and I went. When he said "would you even give up your family for me?"and I said yes. When he said "would you go back to Lethbridge for me?" and I said yes. when he said "would you trust that I have something better for you" and I did. through that all, He was there. He is here.
The times Im healing. When I have to open up old wounds and deal with them. When I have to face my hurt and deal with it, work through it. He is here.
The times my heart broke. Through every heart break, every relationship - both with friends and boys. He was there, he held me together when I started falling apart.
When feel like Ive fallen from grace. When I have failed more times then I can count. When every. single. time. I make the same stupid mistakes. When I try to do it on my own. When I try to do it by leaning on other people. When I am at the end of my rope. When I have fell again and again, when I have felt beyond hope, or restoration, or redemption. When I have felt beyond Grace. He was there, He held out his arms and his grace to me in unconditional ways.
In times of confusion and chaos and pain. Welcome to my life right now. Im leaving, My heart is divided, my thought are going crazy. "can I do nursing? will I fail? Will I meet new people? Will I remember the old ones? Will these friendships become a thing of the past? how will I live like I should without this support? How will I manage to do it right there if I keep messing up here?" All through these times, his love remains, over and underneath. it consumes me.
The times when I am being crushed by my shame. What have I done? I cant go back, I cant change anything. It literally suffocates me. and my God, my wonderful God steps in and lifts it, he lets me breath again. He again and again reassures me that He is far to big for things like my shame. He reminds me of his Love.
"my love I will keep you, by my power alone" through all these times... Nothing else could keep me, nothing. He can though. No other power can forgive and love and pour out grace like this one. No other power could draw me back again and again. He alone can.

My God is a powerful and mighty, and good God and He has carried me through every time.

What I heard

wow. I feel overwhelmed. I'm still processing all I heard, but what I heard was amazing. I heard 3 things. This is what I heard.
1)  Gods goal is to sanctify those who are his own
   --> sanctification equals transformation. Its not just an outward transformation, its transformation of the heart. It is being transformed into the character of God
   --> Ephesians 5:25-27: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,so that he might present the church to himself in splendour,without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish"
     -- so here is the thing, God is looking for his bride! He looks down and he sees all the people, the beautiful ones that are prepared and shiny and clean and waiting... He should pick from them, He should make them His bride, but He doesn't. why? I dont get it. God looks past them, He sees the messy, the dirty, the broken the weak, the ugly smeared in filth and grime and he picks them up and He looks at them and He sees nothing of himself! Nothing! In the bearer of His very own image Christ sees nothing that looks like him. So He sets us down and starts transforming us into something that looks more like him. like His image. He cuts our nails, that hurts. He brushes out our tangled hair, ow. He wipes the sand and dirt of our faces, that leaves us exposed and vulnerable. It hurts all of this hurts. Sanctification hurts, it is a breaking of ourselves. But here is the thing, He is doing this so we can be presentable to Christ!! We, US, we're to be His bride!
2) God uses confrontation with those who are his own 
   --> In the story of Jacob and Rachel and Leah (Gen 29:15-30) Jacob is decieved. He has just run, literally run from his brother who was trying to kill him because Jacob deceived him! And here Jacob is deceived. He has worked and slaved and in the end he has been utterly and totally deceived. This hurts. Jacob hurts, he feels. Feeling hurts but it means transformation.
   --> In 2 Timothy 3:16-17 it says  "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,that the man of God may be complete,equipped for every good work." 
     - - this means that when we read the bible we should feel rebuff, we should feel correction. I am not the image bearer of Christ right now in my life, when I come to scripture, the authority of it should ruin me, taking away all my pretences leaving me with nothing but Christ. It should. In Romans 8:29 it says "those he forknew he predestined"! He predestined us to look like Him, and we dont. We don't look anything like him. Jesus it tough, all through the New testament Jesus is more tough then tender to his disciples and the people he was teaching. He is tough because he looked at them... He looks at me, and he doesn't see himself, He doesn't see his image. So he sets us down and starts transforming us to his image  and that hurts.Member? sanctification hurts.  
3) If you are a child of God your suffering is purposeful 
  --> There is a purpose!! our suffering , like I have been getting at the whole time, has a purpose!! God is moulding and transforming! His purpose is to sanctify us and **whether we are clay or Iron we. will. be. moulded!!!! we just need to hold on and see the purpose. God is sanctifying us to be his bride! He is sanctifying me... 


** Hebrews 12:7-11: "It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."


Here is the crunch people God is tearing Idols out of my hands! He is turing over tax tables in my heart! He is taking away everything that I may have SO much more! *there is only one way* We cannot be transformed any other way. To quote the verse above, God says, "for the moment" people... it hurts "for the moment" friends....its painful "For the moment" Becca...you.will.hurt. "For the moment" it will be excruciating. "but later" ahhh "later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." There is a purpose people, and the painful part will not go on forever. We are being sanctified, we are to be Christ's bride, we are image bearers! This is gunna hurt, "but later" it will worth it.


That is what I heard. 

My friend Donika...

My friend Donika is amazing. She is caring and gentle and most of all she loves the Lord, not just half way, or a little bit, but with her whole entire heart! She is wise beyond her years and she is a loyal, kind, and dependable friend. Today yet again I was blown away by Donika's Christ like character. What a gorgeous day it was today, the sun was shining and it was warm and comfortable outside. Donny and I went for a walk at the lake. We were driving back from our walk when she noticed a man struggling to walk upright on the side walk. She asked if I could pull over or if we could give the man a ride. As I pulled over she jumped out and asked if we could help him. He was delighted, his eyes just sparkled at this rare, kind gesture. As he got into the car he introduced himself as Mike. Mike was chatty :) he quickly began talking about his life, and what he did now a days, he struggled to speak and apologized often when his speech became hard to understand "dentures" he smiled and said "they are a bit loose." Mike didn't live far from where we needed to go. He spoke openly about his life and mistakes, he was a sweet old man with a good heart. We arrived at his house and as he started getting out of my car. I wanted to say something, to offer him something kind, or try to give him some hopeful parting words. I came up empty. I never have the right words to say. But Donika, well Donika didnt have to think twice, as soon as Mike got out of the car she said "hey Mike? do you want our phone numbers? to call if you ever need a ride or something?" I never would have thought of that :) but sweet Donika naturally did. We gave Mike our numbers and he said "Aw you girls are just so sweet, if any boys ever give you trouble you just call me, and if you're ever stuck for finances" he said "you just call me" sweet man. Just so kind. After that Donika yet again didnt think twice as she asked Mike if we could pray with him. Mike was delighted and we (mostly Donika ;) ) got a chance to pray with him. I dont know why but it just blew my mind. I dont know if Mike thought we were crazy or if our short encounter had any lasting impact or effect but I'd like to think that Donikas kindness showed him something special about God, that it gave Mike a glimpse of our amazing, big, loving, and encompassing God.  Donny went out of her way for someone. She wasnt ashamed or afraid like so many of us are so often, she did exactly what Jesus would have done if he would have been in that situation. She didnt worry about her schedule, she didnt worry about being embarrassed, she didnt worry about getting turned down for praying with Mike. She just did it, she didnt think about it or worry about it, she just stood up for the Lord. My friend Donika. I am proud to know her and I am blessed to have a friend the loves the Lord as much as she does. My friend Donika is loyal and kind and sweet, and virtuous. How blessed I am to know my friend Donika