All I am

Here we go. In approximately 3 days I will be moving into the Mark’s Centre and beginning my 6 month journey of TREK. I wish I could say that this only brings me excitement and anticipation but to be perfectly honest, in this moment right now, it mostly scares me. Some days I wish I never left home because the fact that I left now means that my heart is divided between two beautiful places that I love almost equally, and every time that I come home to Lethbridge I feel this way. Being away from my family is the most difficult thing for me, I used to think it would get easier over time but mostly my heart just grows fonder thus the distance just gets harder. This sounds pessimistic but I am actually so excited too. I legit cant wait, I am so excited to be open to whatever God wants from me this next while especially, I know he is going to teach me more than I could ever imagine and despite how difficult it might be I know that God is going to blow my mind and when I come out of this, I will have infinitely more than I could have asked or imagined going in. But right now in this moment its just kinda hard to grasp. I wont see my beautiful little nieces or nephew for at least 6 months., maybe more. One of my best friends is having a baby in March and I wont be here. I dunno I guess its just hard to sacrifice some things. Yet even now as I think this is hard… its really not. I would give up anything if God asked me to, I really would, because nothing in my life is worth anything unless my God grants it. All I wanna do is follow my Lord, and he brought me here!! To this beautiful place and gave me this beautiful opportunity! And I am SO excited to see how he will move. It overwhelms me, the way that God has already provided, in the way that he has given me a new measure of trust in areas where I would have struggled to give up so much more before , even in the new people he has brought into my life. My God never ceases to amaze me. So as I sit here, in my old room in my parents house, in the last bit of home I will have for a very long time, I wait in anticipation, loosening my hold on my God has asked me to give to him for now, and trusting that no matter what happens, no matter what I feel like Im giving up that is irreplaceable, no matter how my heart hurts, this is his will, and nothing would be more painful to me than not following Gods call on my life. That is something that I cannot and will not compromise because I already know that I cannot function without the guidance of my loving and beautiful Savior. Its 2013! This year holds so much and I expect nothing short of miracles in my life this year because  my God is good and amazing and I KNOW he has got this under control. So I’m giving all I am, everything I hope and dream. Everything that scares me or hurts me. All the crap and all the good and I pray that God would use me, or break me, or do whatever he wishes in my life for his glory. All I am is all I have and I want to give all I have for my Lord.  Come at me 2013!!